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Quote of the Week

A French court’s decision to bar Marine Le Pen, the leader of the hard-right National Rally (RN), from running for president in 2027 has sent shock waves through the country’s political system.

Le Pen was convicted on March 31st for embezzlement of European Union funds.

She and 24 other co-defendants, were found guilty of misusing approximately €2.9–4 million (reports vary slightly) in European Parliament funds between 2004 and 2016.

These funds, intended to pay parliamentary assistants for work related to EU legislative duties in Brussels or Strasbourg, were instead diverted to pay RN party staff in France who performed little or no work.

Sounds like a standard work day in France then.

Examples include Le Pen’s bodyguard, her charming father’s personal secretary, and other party operatives.

The court determined that Le Pen was “at the heart” of a systematic scheme to siphon off this money to bolster the financially strained RN (then called the National Front), effectively treating the European Parliament as a “cash cow.”

Now whatever would have given them that idea?

Evidence included emails and text messages showing party officials knowingly set up fictitious job contracts—such as an assistant asking to meet the MEP they were supposedly working for months after being hired.

Her supporters accuse the establishment of suppressing the election front-runner and undermining democracy.

Donald Trump unveiled his long-trailed and much-dreaded new list of tariffs and they were worse than expected.

Given that he’s had a hard-on for tariffs since the 80s, it’s likely he’s been waiting a while for this.

The Orange Maniac announced a base import levy of 10% on all goods entering America, but the European Union will face reciprocal tariffs of 20%, India 27%, Japan 24%, Vietnam 46% and China an additional 34%, taking its overall tariff rate to 65%.

Many other countries (and penguins) also received higher tariffs.

But don’t worry, all of these were calculated after meticulous analysis of America’s bilateral trade relationships and wider macroeconomic implications.

Oh wait…

Uncertainty about trade policy and subsequent worries about the economy were the factors behind American stockmarkets registering their worst quarter since 2022.

The S&P 500 fell by 4.6% from January to March and the Nasdaq Composite by more than 10%. Nvidia’s stock tumbled by 19%, Alphabet’s by 18% and Apple’s and Microsoft’s by 11%.

It’s not all doom and gloom though.

The European index’s STOXX 600, London’s FTSE 100 and Germany’s DAX all made gains.

Trump himself remains remarkably upbeat despite having just single handedly improved the odds of a global recession to 50%.

When asked about the stock market’s reaction to his tariffs, he said:

Ignorance truly is bliss.

Trump insists Keir Starmer is ‘very happy’ with 10% tariff on UK goods

Despite reports of a favourable deal thanks to tax concessions for American tech companies, Britain was not exempt from the list of countries that were slapped with a tariff of some sort.

Although at 10%, we got off rather lightly compared to others.

British PM Keir Starmer refused to escalate immediately, saying:

However, he acknowledged a “new era” had begun and urged faster domestic economic reform to offset the negative effects.

The government published a retaliation list of over 8,000 products and began consultations with businesses, with import quotas also being considered to prevent the UK market being flooded with “displaced” goods from other countries.

Economists have cut UK growth forecasts (again) and warned of zero growth and recession risks.

As reported previously, tax rises are now seen as much more likely.

In response to “Liberation Day” the UK government will:

• Advance its industrial strategy (there are no concrete plans for what the fuck this actually means).

• Relax EV sales rules to shield the automotive industry from 25% US tariffs.

• Abandon the 2030 hybrid vehicle ban and give carmakers more flexibility.

However, the UK still hopes to negotiate a deal with the US.

Keir and the Donald get on surprinsingly well, and the British PM seems much less enthused with taking a stand against Trump’s latest psychotic episode than the likes of Europe and Canada.

Business Secretary Jonathan Reynolds said any potential deal could remove tariffs and deepen trade ties, especially in services.

TikTok bidders pile up as deadline looms with Amazon, OnlyFans founder in mix

Tim Stokely, founder of OnlyFans, has made a last-minute offer to buy TikTok via his new startup Zoop, in partnership with crypto firm The Hbar Foundation.

Short form content meets softcore porn. We’re sure that’ll go down a treat with the Chinese Communist Party.

Amazon have also submitted a formal bid in a letter to U.S. officials, though it has declined a public comment as of yet.

Other notable bids have come from:

• Oracle, which seeks to oversee U.S. user data.

• Blackstone, a private investment firm.

• Perplexity AI, which proposed a government-shared ownership model.

• Kevin O’Leary (the grumpy guy from Shark Tank) and Frank McCourt (Project Liberty), who offered a privacy-focused deal.

• MrBeast (Jimmy Donaldson), who rallied investors to make a preservation-focused bid.

Donald Trump set an April 5 deadline for ByteDance to divest TikTok or face a ban, citing national security risks.

On his first day in office, he gave a 75-day reprieve to evaluate alternatives, insisting however that the final decision remained with him.

He has given suggestions that might extend the deadline or offer trade concessions (e.g., lower China tariffs) in exchange for a deal.

TikTok has maintained that it is not for sale, partly because the Chinese government is extremely likely to drag its feet over any deal, particularly one involving any high profile American company.

While the outcome remains uncertain, the prevailing expectation is that TikTok will continue operating in the US, albeit possibly under certain restrictions being placed on the new owners.

EU prepares major penalties against Elon Musk’s X for disinformation

The European Union is preparing its latest high profile witch hunt, as Elon Musk’s social media platform X faces a potential fine over violations of the Digital Services Act (DSA), a major law aimed at curbing illicit content and disinformation.

The fine, which could exceed $1 billion, would be the first under the DSA and include demands for product changes.

X, privately owned by Musk, has been under investigation since 2023, with regulators finding that its lax content moderation fostered hate speech and disinformation across Europe.

Anyone who has spent more than 0.6 seconds on X lately will know that they kind of have a point.

The case has become a flashpoint in transatlantic tensions, especially given Musk’s is proximity to President Trump and the EU’s track record of making an example of American tech companies.

While a settlement is still possible, EU officials are considering a broader penalty based on Musk’s total business empire, including SpaceX.

Whether Europe’s energy would be slightly better directed elsewhere is a different question entirely.

Beijing blocks BlackRock's Panama port deal amid US-China tensions

CK Hutchison, the Hong Kong conglomerate led by billionaire Li Ka-shing, has postponed signing a $19 billion deal to sell its two Panama Canal port operations to a BlackRock-led consortium.

The deal was initially scheduled for signing on April 2nd, following a March 4th announcement. It has not been formally cancelled as of yet, just delayed.

Donald Trump supports the transaction, viewing it as a step toward reasserting US influence over the strategic Panama Canal, which facilitates roughly 3% of global maritime trade.

Conversely, Chinese authorities have pushed back, unhappy with the asset transfer to a Western consortium and its perceived alignment with US geopolitical strategy.

Bloomberg News reports that Chinese regulators have also informally threatened warned state-owned firms to avoid deals involving Li Ka-shing and his businesses, suggesting increased political scrutiny of the tycoons global transactions.

Who knows, maybe Ka-shing may opt for a little “holiday” to take his mind off of things soon.

🍻Half Pints

Quick-fire news you might have missed

Memes of the Week

Stud of the Week

Impressive stuff from Cory, but I’ve seen the local nutcase notch up these kind of numbers at the pub on a weekly basis.

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