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A lot has happened this week, so we were on hand to sacrifice our eyes, phones and what’s left of dwindling sanity to condense it into memes.

So sit back, relax and get stuck into the news you need to know.

⏰ Today's reading time is 5 minutes.

Quote of the Week

Given one is an orange egomaniac and the other looks like an android doing its best Tony Blair human impression, one would imagine Donald Trump and Keir Starmer wouldn’t get along.

But much to the our surprise, they had a fairly successful meeting yesterday in Washington.

Meeting publicly for the first time in the White House, Starmer gave him an invitation to meet King Charles, which Trump happily accepted, and praised the US as “our closest ally”.

Trump returned the praise on the British Prime Minister, calling him “special” (up for interpretation I suppose), a “tough negotiator”, and expressing optimism over a free trade deal between the UK and US, which goes against the grain of Trump’s recent tariff spree.

And although he doesn’t share Starmer’s enthusiasm for military support in Ukraine, Trump seems to have softened his tone on Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy, saying “he didn’t recall” calling him a dictator.

Biden wasn’t the only slightly creepy world leader Trump took inspiration from yesterday.

He also channeled his inner Silvio Berlusconi, saying that he was “very impressed” with Starmer’s wife.

Might make a future dinner in Downing Street a little awkward…

Friedrich Merz, leader of the centre-right CDU, is expected to take the reigns as German Chancellor following his party’s victory in their general election.

The CDU secured 29% of the vote, enough to win but still their second worst result since WW2.

Speaking of WW2, the far-right Alternative für Deutschland enjoyed their best ever election, securing 20.8% of the vote, becoming Germany’s second-largest party and dominating the eastern side of the country.

This has intensified calls to end the political “firewall” that blocks cooperation with the far right.

Despite public opposition (69% see AfD as a threat to democracy), some CDU figures suggest engaging with AfD voters.

Merz has so far rejected cooperation but says solving migration and security issues could weaken AfD’s appeal.

The firewall may be sticking around as a rule, but another significant one may get dropped.

Merz is looking into loosening Germany’s “debt-brake”, a Merkel-era policy that prevents the German state from taking on too much debt, restricting annual structural deficits to 0.35% of GDP.

His goal is to loosen borrowing limits for increased government spending, a move fiercely opposed by both the far-right AfD and the leftist Die Linke, who together now control over a third of the seats in the Bundesliga Bundestag.

AfD leader Alice Weidel slammed the maneuver as electoral fraud, while some economists argue it’s a long overdue reality check, given Germany’s crumbling infrastructure, non-existant economic growth and looming security concerns.

Nvidia stock sinks over 8% despite beating earnings call

Shares in chip manufacturer Nvidia tumbled 8% on Thursday, despite smashing Wall Street’s earnings expectations.

The culprit was a softer-than-expected (title of my sex tape) gross margin outlook that left investors unimpressed.

The chip giant reported Q4 revenue of $39.3 billion and EPS (earnings per share) of $0.89, beating analyst estimates. It also projected Q1 revenue of $43 billion—above the expected $42.3 billion.

But its Q1 gross margin forecast of 71% fell short of the 72.1% consensus, as the company scrambles to ramp up Blackwell AI GPU shipments, incurring extra costs to meet demand.

While analysts acknowledged the margin dip, most don’t seem to care all that much, with some labelling it a “minor nitpick” given Nvidia’s dominant position in AI.

Nvidia CEO and part-time AllSaints model Jensen Huang reassured investors that demand for Blackwell chips is “extraordinary” and that the product is now “fully ramped,” easing fears of production delays and competition from Chinese companies like Huawei.

Ukraine agrees framework minerals deal with the US

Ukraine has agreed to a framework deal with the US to jointly develop its mineral resources including oil, gas and precious metals.

The US’s original demand for $500bn in revenue rights was deemed a bit of a piss-take by Ukraine and the international community.

This new deal establishes a fund where Ukraine contributes 50% of proceeds from future resource monetisation.

While the deal is a bit murky on security guarantees, Ukrainian officials see it as a step toward deeper economic and strategic cooperation with the US, with Trump and Zelenskyy looking to patch up their up and down relationship.

Back in the pre-war days of Zelenskyy’s presidency, Trump was caught allegedly strong-arming Ukraine into digging up dirt on Joe Biden and his wild child son Hunter.

Zelenskyy swore he wasn’t pressured, but considering that phone call got Trump impeached (the first time), it’s safe to say the former president hasn’t let it slip his mind.

Perhaps even more damning that calling him a dictator, Trump called him a “modestly successful comedian.”

May as well have called him the Ukrainian Lee Mack.

Maybe Zelenskyy should clear the air at their meeting later today with a joke or two.

BP slashes renewables investment and boosts fossil fuel production

BP had the sudden realisation that its shareholders might actually want to make some money and is now significantly reducing its investment in renewable energy, while increasing funding for oil and gas production.

CEO Murray Auchincloss stated that BP had previously moved "too far too fast" into renewables, based on overly optimistic assumptions about the pace of the energy transition.

The company plans to cut annual spending on renewables from $5 billion to between $1 billion and $2 billion, allocating the majority of this reduced budget to low-carbon energy.

The company now aims to "fundamentally reset" its strategy to focus on sustainable cash flow and returns. This decision comes amid pressure from activist investor Elliott Management, which has reportedly acquired a 5% stake in BP.

Seabirds everywhere beware…

Trump says 25% tariffs on EU will be announced soon

Forget The White Lotus, “The Orange POTUS” has dropped another bomb on Europe this week and announced 25% tariffs on European imports are incoming.

“It’ll be 25% generally speaking—on cars and all other things,” Trump told reporters, claiming the European bloc was “created to screw the United States.”

The EU fired back, vowing to retaliate against what it called “unjustified tariffs.” The European Union is the US’s third largest trading partner alongside China.

Since taking office, Trump has wielded tariffs as both a revenue generator and a geopolitical battering ram.

His 10% levies on Chinese goods were just the start, with threats of reciprocal tariffs against multiple nations (the UK is looking to be an exception as things stand).

Germany’s car industry, a major exporter to the US and not exactly thriving at the moment, warned of rising costs but insisted the situation was “difficult, but not impossible.”

🍻Half Pints

Quick-fire news you might have missed

Memes of the Week

Crossover Episode of the Week

Elon Musk welcomes his 14th child with a 5th woman

That’s all for today.

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