Greetings, loved ones and welcome to our new subscribers.

A lot has happened this week, so we were on hand to sacrifice our eyes, phones and what’s left of our dwindling sanity to condense it all into memes for your enjoyment.

So sit back, relax and get stuck into the news you need to know, delivered to you via carefully crafted and curated memes.

⏰ Today's reading time is 5 minutes.

Quote of the Week

Against all odds (and predictions), the UK economy managed to grow by 0.1% in the final quarter of 2024.

Yes, it's a rounding error away from recession, but technically, it’s still growth.

Pubs and bars did well (we are talking about Brits after all) and construction picked up, mostly thanks to new private housing projects.

We are so back, or are we?

Real GDP per head fell 0.1% last year. The economy technically grew, but people feel poorer as wages haven’t kept up, taxes are rising, and businesses are actively looking to cut costs.

That’s not all folks!

In April, tax rises will hit.

• National Insurance goes up for businesses.

• Minimum wage increases (good for workers, bad for companies trying to keep costs down). Layoffs incoming…

• Business rates relief is being slashed, meaning higher costs for struggling firms.

Rachel Reeves took a break from sprucing up her C.V to reassure the public that her policies will bring economic stability in the long term, but business confidence isn’t responding to her assurances.

The Bank of England sees no major improvement anytime soon and has downgraded its growth forecasts for the year.

US and UK refuse to sign summit declaration on AI

The UK and US have gracefully dodged signing an international AI agreement at the Paris AI Action Summit, citing concerns about “global governance” and “national security” – which, translated from political jargon to English, means “we’d rather not be told what to do, thanks.”

The agreement, backed by 60 countries including China, India, and France, outlines the rather uncontroversial goals of making AI transparent, safe, and accessible while trying to prevent it from turning into Skynet from the Terminator films.

It even acknowledges the environmental elephant in the server room: the sheer amount of energy AI systems consume, a topic that somehow hadn’t made it to the global discussion table until now.

But not everyone was keen on the regulatory kumbaya.

Baby-faced US Vice President JD Vance, warned world leaders that excessive AI regulation could “kill a transformative industry just as it’s taking off.”

Vance’s comments align perfectly with the Trump administration’s pro-growth stance—one that prioritizes AI expansion over considerations like, say, accountability or preventing mass job displacement.

On the more pro-regulation side of the aisle, French President Emmanuel Macron doubled down on the need for AI rules, arguing that “we need these rules for AI to move forward.”

He opened the conference with AI-generated deepfakes of himself—including one of him getting groomed by his drama teacher when he was still underage. Oh wait….

The UK, once a champion of AI safety, has now backed away from the very agreement it helped create, citing concerns over global governance and national security.

Downing Street insists this wasn’t about following the US, though the UK refusing to sign an AI ethics pact right after Washington did the same is quite the coincidence.

Musk’s $97.4 Billion OpenAI bid escalates public spat with Sam Altman

Elon Musk and Sam Altman have taken their “I’m more on the spectrum than you are” dick swinging contest to new heights.

Musk, not one to shy away from grand gestures, has led a consortium offering $97.4 billion to acquire OpenAI, the very company he co-founded in 2015 with Altman.

Altman rejected the offer on Musk's own platform, X (scroll to our “Tweet of the Week” section lower down to see it in all its glory).

This spat isn't just about money (for once): it's rooted in a deeper ideological clash.

Musk, who exited OpenAI's board in 2018, has been vocal about his concerns over the company's shift from its original non-profit mission to a for-profit model.

He argues that OpenAI has strayed from its founding purpose of developing AI for the benefit of humanity. Altman, on the other hand, contends that this transition is essential to secure the funding needed to advance AI technology.

In a statement, Musk declared, "It's time for OpenAI to return to the open-source, safety-focused ... . We will make sure that happens."

Not everyone is convinced of Musk's altruistic intentions.

Christie Pitts, a tech investor, expressed skepticism: "I think it's fair to be pretty suspicious of this considering that he has a competitor himself... which is structured as a for-profit company, so I think there's more than meets the eye here."

DeepSeek won’t mind any of this drama…

Trump & Putin prepare to begin Ukraine peace talks as Europe pleads for unity

Donald Trump is back in the geopolitical spotlight, claiming he’s about to end the Russia-Ukraine war—just like he promised on the campaign trail.

He says he’ll meet Putin in Saudi Arabia soon, but Ukraine have not been invited.

Because why bother involving the country actually at war?

Trump insists he's “just here to try and get peace” and doesn’t “care about anything else.” Other than himself obviously…

Once he’d sobered up from the night before, Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth laid out the reality: Ukraine must give up Crimea and its NATO ambitions to get a deal.

Trump agrees, calling NATO membership for Ukraine “not practical”—meaning the new U.S. position is that Ukraine can be sovereign, just not within its pre-2014 borders.

Meanwhile, at the Munich Security Conference, VP JD Vance and Secretary of State Marco Rubio are meeting Zelenskyy, who isn’t exactly thrilled. He told The Guardian that without U.S. backing, European security guarantees are meaningless.

Hegseth is already telling Europe to step up, making clear that any security guarantees for Ukraine will come from European-led peacekeepers, not U.S. troops.

U.S.-Europe relations may start to sour, as European leaders must decide whether to accept a Trump-brokered settlement that favors Russia or push back against concessions.

Trump’s “peace plan” isn’t about ending the war—it’s about freezing it and locking in Russian territorial gains.

Whether Ukraine, Europe, or even Congress accepts this is another question entirely.

Pentagon prepares for potential cuts from Elon Musk's DOGE

The newly formed Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) has been tasked with cutting waste, shaking up procurement, and making America’s military cheaper, faster, and more AI-driven.

The Pentagon is impressively good at wasting money and has failed every independent audit is has had of it’s spending to date.

The US General Accounting Office (GAO), the investigative arm of Congress, found that about half of the material the Pentagon possessed (worth $37 billion) were items it did not actually need and that wasteful spending was systemic within the entire organisation.

Just five companies take 86% of the Pentagon’s budget—leading to zero competition and a risk-averse bureaucrats paradise. Warships built in America cost more than those in Japan and South Korea due to misaligned incentives from defense contractors.

DOGE’s plan is to introduce more AI and off-the-shelf tech. It wants to replace overpriced legacy weapons with cheaper, faster alternatives. It also wants to encourage competition—instead of rewarding the same five defense firms, let companies like Palantir, Anduril, and Shield AI take the lead.

But what happens if Musk’s Pentagon reform weakens the military instead?

DOGE could go rogue. If Musk uses the Pentagon shake-up to enrich himself or his friends, America’s national security could be at risk. Trump’s focus on firing “woke” generals rather than fixing procurement could make everything worse.

If Musk succeeds, the U.S. military will be cheaper, faster, and more tech-driven—more drones, fewer $100M fighter jets.

If Musk fails, America’s defense could become an expensive mess of half-finished projects, corporate favoritism, and a military left in a worse position against China and Russia.

🍻Half Pints

Quick-fire news you might have missed

Memes of the Week

Tweet of the Week

That’s all for today.

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