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Quote of the Week

Donald Trump and Volodymyr Zelensky held a surprisingly positive phone call this week.

Admittedly, considering how the last one went, the bar is pretty low.

They discussed a possible partial ceasefire focused on halting attacks on Ukraine’s energy infrastructure.

This came just a day after Trump also spoke with Putin, who rejected a broader truce but agreed to stop targeting energy sites—if Western military aid to Ukraine ends, a condition Kyiv and its allies are (funnily enough) unlikely to accept.

The US also floated the idea of helping run or even owning Ukrainian nuclear power plants, but Zelensky pushed back hard, saying they belong to Ukraine and won’t be sold off.

However, he said he was open to the US helping modernise the Russian-occupied Zaporizhzhia (we can’t pronounce it either) plant—if Ukraine regains control.

Despite talks of peace, both sides went ahead and carried out strikes shortly after the calls. Lovely stuff, lads.

Negotiations continue, with US and Ukrainian teams expected to meet again soon in Saudi Arabia, a nation renowned for its love of peace and collaboration.

Britain’s push for European defence unity has hit a major obstacle…France.

Sounds strangely familiar. Anyway…

France and their teachers pet President Emmanuel Macron successfully blocked UK arms firms from accessing a €150 billion EU defence fund.

The new EU proposal excludes non-EU countries—like the UK, US, and Turkey—unless they sign a formal security pact with Brussels, something France is tying to fishing rights.

British officials are furious, calling France's stance silly and immature, warning it undermines European security at a crucial moment. A British government source summarised it nicely:

The move would exclude major British defence players like BAE Systems from selling weapons through the fund, despite Europe’s growing need to reduce reliance on US arms.

While Macron publicly backs defence unity with Starmer, he’s also pushing a “Buy European” agenda—urging countries to choose French-made weapons over American alternatives like the F-35 or Patriot missiles.

But key allies like Germany and Poland aren’t convinced, citing performance and availability concerns.

In response, the UK is working on a separate €600 billion rearmament fund with European partners that sits outside the EU structure, allowing more flexibility and avoiding vetoes from pro-Russia states like Hungary.

Germany agrees historic fiscal package and debt brake change

Germany’s parliament just approved a landmark €500bn infrastructure fund and changes to the constitutional “debt brake,” allowing more defence spending and fiscal flexibility for state governments.

The package passed with a two-thirds majority after tense negotiations between CDU/CSU, SPD, and the Greens.

The deal includes €100bn for climate investments, €300bn for federal infrastructure, and €100bn for states. Defence spending over 1% of GDP will no longer count towards deficit limits.

The debt brake isn’t scrapped, but it’s been effectively sidelined—signalling Germany's exit from the EU’s fiscal tight-arse club.

However, infrastructure spending alone won’t fix Germany’s stagnating economy. The nation leads the way in Europe for number of “sick days” claimed and hasn’t had any economic growth for two years.

A temporary growth boost is likely, but real long-term recovery will depend on deeper reforms to areas like pensions and labour markets.

UK sets out £5 billion of welfare cuts to tackle spiralling bill 

The Conservative’s Labour's government has announced plans to cut over £5 billion from the UK welfare budget by 2029/30, aiming to curb rising costs and stay within tight fiscal limits.

The move is part of a wider strategy to balance day-to-day spending with tax revenues by the decade’s end—just as growth slows and borrowing costs rise. Perfect timing.

The cuts target health-related benefits, which have surged as the number of working-age people out of work due to illness hits record highs—higher than in peer countries.

Ministers argue reform will help people return to work and reduce long-term dependency, though critics warn it risks harming vulnerable groups.

Keir Starmer insists this is not a return to Conservative-style austerity but a necessary reset of a broken system.

Still, the move has triggered backlash from disability advocates and unease within Labour’s own ranks, who fear it undercuts the party’s values ahead of a high-stakes fiscal statement on March 26.

Here’s the TLDR on the changes:

• Personal Independence Payments (PIP) changes (from Nov 2026):

  • Tougher eligibility for the daily living component (currently £72.65/week).

  • Mobility component remains unchanged.

  • More face-to-face assessments, but none for the most severely ill.

• Work Capability Assessment scrapped by 2028:

  • Only one assessment needed, based on PIP criteria.

• Universal Credit health element cuts:

  • Frozen at £97/week for existing claimants until 2029/30.

  • Halved to £50/week for new claimants from 2026/27.

  • Severely ill claimants will get an extra premium and be exempt from reassessment.

• Under-22s will no longer get the incapacity benefit top-up.

  • Savings will be redirected to work/training support for young people.

• DLA to PIP transition age may rise from 16 to 18, to encourage work/training.

Google to buy Wiz for $32 billion after being turned down in July

Last July, 5-year old Israeli cloud security startup Wiz walked away from an initial $23 billion offer from Google.

Co-founder Assaf Rappaport wrote at the time:

He was very much correct.

Google announced this week it had agreed to acquire Wiz in an all-cash deal valued at $32 billion, marking the largest acquisition in Google's history.

This move aims to bolster Google's cloud computing division amid the growing demand for artificial intelligence and enhanced cybersecurity measures.

The company's innovative cloud security solutions and ability to integrate with external infrastructure have attracted major clients, including Barclays and Mars, contributing to its swift growth.

The fact that they’re backed by one the most experienced cybersecurity investment funds in the world (run by ex Israeli intelligence veterans), doesn’t hurt either.

The acquisition represents a strategic effort by Google to enhance its cloud security offerings, positioning itself more competitively against rivals like Microsoft and Amazon.

The deal is subject to regulatory approval, with finalisation expected in 2026.

Given the size of the acquisition and current antitrust scrutiny facing major tech companies, the approval process may still encounter significant regulatory hurdles.

If that does happen, Google has agreed to pay a $3.2 billion termination fee.

Translating from LinkedIn wanker-speak to English, a select group of people are going to get very rich off this deal.

One investor in particular, Shardul Shah, will reportedly turn a $3.5 million initial investment into $4 billion.

Not a bad days work…

Thames Water wins approval for controversial £3bn creditor loan

Thames Water’s controversial £3 billion rescue loan has been cleared to proceed after the Court of Appeal dismissed an attempt to block the deal.

The funding—secured in February—prevents the heavily indebted utility firm from collapsing into government control, buying it at least 12 months to restructure its £19 billion debt and attract new investment.

Who in their right mind would want to invest in such a shitheap, is another question.

Critics, including a group of lenders and Lib Dem MP Charlie Maynard, argued the loan serves existing creditors at the public’s expense, pointing to its steep 9.75% interest rate.

They had pushed for a special administration process, similar to the one used for failed energy firm Bulb, but the court disagreed.

Thames Water, which serves 16 million people across London and the South, has faced mounting scrutiny over its financial mismanagement, pollution scandals, and upcoming 31% bill hikes for customers.

CEO Chris Weston welcomed the ruling, saying it allows the company’s “turnaround plan” to move ahead. Whether it allows for a repeat of his £195,000 quarterly bonus for all the great work he’s done so far, remains to be seen.

🍻Half Pints

Quick-fire news you might have missed

Memes of the Week

Deportation of the Week

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