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Greetings, loved ones.

It’s been another week and Trump still hasn’t dropped a 200% tariff on us so here we are, ready to chef up your weekly business and politics briefing via memes.

Honestly, even hearing the word tariff gives me a fucking migraine at this point, but we’re dealing with important stuff here so it must be given the time of day.

Other things did happen in the world this week though, believe it or not.

Let’s get stuck in.

⏰ Today's reading time is 5 minutes.

Quote of the Week

The European Central Bank faces an economic environment in which “some of the worst-case scenarios that we had identified are materialising”, according to José Luis Escrivá, governor of the Bank of Spain and a member of the ECB’s governing council.

In other words, shit has started to hit the fan and the ECB is ready to deploy some macroeconomic tools.

Investors and analysts are now all but certain the ECB will cut interest rates for the seventh time since June to 2.25% on April 17th, having expected a potential pause before The Orange Maniac’s far-reaching tariff announcements on April 2nd.

Spain’s top central banker stressed that the impact on inflation in the euro area will depend, among other factors, on the European response in terms of trade retaliation and the results from the expansionary fiscal policy of some of its members, such as Germany, who are having a bit of a throwback moment at the moment.

Amid all the trade chaos, the Europeans may sense an opportunity…

Escrivá suggested US policies could bring into question the dollar’s status as a reserve currency and safe investment haven.

So instead of being an oversized museum stomping ground for American tourists, the Euro could actually emerge as a more attractive alternative to the dollar.

We may have added that last bit in.

In February 2025, the UK economy grew by 0.5%, exceeding economists’ expectations and marking the fastest monthly growth rate since March 2024.

This figure, reported by the Office for National Statistics, was well above the 0.1% rise forecast by Reuters and an improvement from January’s flat growth, which had originally been estimated as a slight contraction.

The growth was broad-based, with strong performance in both the services and manufacturing sectors. Industries such as computer programming, telecoms, car dealerships, electronics, pharmaceuticals, and car manufacturing all saw notable upturns.

But before you crack out the Tesco’s Finest Champagne, there’s a big BUT.

The GDP figures were recorded before Donald Trump’s announcement on April 2 of sweeping new tariffs, including a 10% global baseline that affected UK exports.

Economists warned that the positive growth in February could be undermined by the continuing uncertainty in global trade and the effect of domestic fiscal policies, such as the Employers National Insurance contributions increase having a ripple effect on businesses and hiring.

Amid this economic uncertainty, investors are anticipating a shift in monetary policy.

The Bank of England is expected to begin cutting interest rates in May, with two more reductions likely before the end of the year to support the domestic economy.

Trump tariff pause brings relief to global stock markets…for now

Ahhh, nothing like waking up, having a stretch and discovering your savings have combusted overnight thanks to the uncoordinated ramblings of a man who once thought injecting bleach into the human body would be a good idea.

Like an emotionally unavailable fuckboy, US President Donald Trump took the markets on a not entirely unenjoyable emotional rollercoaster this past week.

The markets opened by promptly shitting their pants, as The Orange Maniac defended his sweeping tariffs as “taking your medicine”.

Asian equity markets experienced their worst performing day since 2008 and US banking giant JP Morgan predicted a 60% chance of a US and global recession.

Jamie “I’d like to be President some day” Dimon does not like the taste of the aforementioned medicine.

But right before we were all about to go and jump off a cliff, the unemotionally unavailable Orange loverboy gave us a dash of hope (I can change him).

He announced a 90-day pause for most nations targeted by the latest volley of import taxes, hours after they went into effect.

Just after midnight Wednesday, dozens of countries were meant to start facing steeper duties from the US as part of the sweeping tariffs on foreign goods.

But by the afternoon, his administration abruptly said it would suspend these higher rates for 90 days, and instead maintain a recently-imposed 10% levy on nearly all global imports.

This applied to all countries except one: China (don’t lie you read it in the voice)

Winnie The Pooh Xi Jinping and co have since hit back, and as of the end of the week, this is the current state of affairs:

• US tariffs on China: 145%

• Chinese tariffs on the US: 125% (up from 84% earlier in the week)

• S&P 500 up slightly at market close (1.59%)

• The 10-year Treasury yields climbed higher (bond investors are looking for safer places to park their cash)

• Trump’s policy remains pretty much unchanged, except for higher tariffs on China and lots of countries looking to “kiss his ass” to make a deal.

Moscow only city with worse millionaire exodus than London

Knight Frank’s inaugural Global Cities survey of 2013 (not what I was reading at 14 I must say) declared the UK capital—not Singapore, Geneva, or any of America’s cities—the ‘most important city in the world’ to their ultra-high-net-worth clients.

London had leapfrogged New York, which, the paper’s authors said, was lagging behind its UK rival “by some distance” thanks to a combination of its fortunate geographical location, rich cultural offering and centuries-old legal system.

A well oiled system of semi-legal tax evasion doesn’t hurt either.

Fast forward to today, and only war and sanction-hit Moscow has lost more ultra-high net worth individuals than London.

We’re not sure if the study counted “accidental” departures, but that’s by the by.

The pair of capitals were the only two cities in the wide-ranging study to have suffered from a falling number of dollar millionaires since 2014, with the London’s capital declining by 12% compared to the the Russian capital’s 25%.

Analysts attribute London’s loss of appeal to high-net worth individuals to several factors:

• The weakening influence of the London Stock Exchange

• Failure to keep pace in tech, leading many wealthy UK entrepreneurs to relocate

• High capital gains and property taxes, limiting wealth accumulation

• Brexit’s lingering effects

• Recent policy decisions, especially the abolition of non-dom tax status and inheritance tax reforms, which are driving affluent residents abroad

Trump says EU must buy $350 billion of US energy to get tariff relief

The EU will court the US for more gas to assuage President Donald Trump while also slashing red tape to boost renewable power capacity this year, the bloc’s energy commissioner has said.

On Monday, as part of his regularly scheduled ranting programming, Trump had suggested that the EU buy about $350bn of US energy in order to reduce its trade deficit, simultaneously dismissing an overture from Brussels to do a “zero-for-zero” tariff deal on industrial goods and cars, saying it was “not enough.”

While all this ‘Art of the Deal’ talk sounds good in theory, in practice, there is little Brussels can do other than encourage companies to sign contracts with US suppliers.

The US is already the biggest supplier of liquefied natural gas to the bloc, accounting for 45% of its imports in 2024 at a value of about $13 billion.

Europe also wants to balance the trade sensitivities with maintaining its green energy goals.

The European Commission expects a record 89 gigawatts of renewable power capacity to be installed in the EU in 2025, including an additional 19GW of wind power and 70GW of solar.

That is despite the global economic turmoil and complaints from industry about long waits for permits (in Europe?! Who would have thought?) and poor grid connections.

Energy Commissioner Dan Jørgensen said renewable power was “essential” to bring down high energy prices and end the bloc’s reliance on imports of Russian fossil fuels.

France could recognise Palestinian state ‘in June’ says Emmanuel Macron

France is making plans to recognise a Palestinian state and could do so as early as June, French President Emmanuel Macron said in an interview with a French broadcaster on Wednesday.

The Teacher’s Pet said he hoped that by recognising Palestinian statehood at a conference in June that France is co-hosting with Saudi Arabia pushing for a two-state solution, attendees who do not formally recognise Israel would in turn do so.

We wouldn’t hold our breath on some.

Macron’s comments come after Israel resumed its bombardment of the Gaza Strip last month when a two-month-long truce came to an end and ceasefire talks broke down between Israel and the militant group Hamas.

Israel has since halted the delivery of humanitarian aid to the Palestinian enclave and been recorded on camera killing humanitarian aid workers.

France has always been in favor of a two-state solution but has resisted calls (alongside the rest of the G7) to officially recognise a Palestinian state, often arguing that Paris would only do so if it didn’t piss America off too much served the peace process.

Macron’s decision is likely to rub Israel the wrong way and draw a backlash from Israeli Prime Minister and distinguished war criminal Benjamin Netanyahu, who says that recognising Palestinian statehood is effectively rewarding terrorism.

The French Jewish umbrella group Crif slammed Macron’s decision to recognise a Palestinian state, calling it “an unacceptable political victory” for Hamas while dozens of Israeli hostages are still being held in Gaza.

🍻Half Pints

Quick-fire news you might have missed

Memes of the Week

Poem of the Week

That’s all for today.

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Thanks to Jose and Mark