Greetings you lovely people. Thank god it’s Friday and all that.

Without further ado, let’s get stuck into the news you need to know from this week, summarised for you via carefully crafted and curated memes.

⏰ Today's reading time is 5 minutes.

💬 Quote of the Day

Outgoing President Joe Biden issued a sweeping pardon of his wild-child son Hunter Biden, who was facing charges of tax evasion and illegal ownership of weapons.

The offences were allegedly committed between 2016 and 2019, a period where Hunter was (according to his memoir) “smoking crack every 15 mins” and in a relationship with his dead brother’s widow. Family really is everything.

President Biden issued the pardon due to the “political nature of the investigations” into his son, calling them unfair and targeted. Still, the move has enraged both Republicans and Democrats, who are calling it a blatant abuse of his position.

Hunter has promised to “not take it [the pardon] for granted” and that he “will devote the life I have rebuilt to helping those who are still sick and suffering”. Heartwarming stuff.

You would think that after a week of backlash from both sides of the aisle and his reputation teetering on the brink, Biden Snr would try and keep a low profile and not make the headlines for the wrong reasons.

Well you’d be wrong.

VPN Companies:

Australia just dropped a legislative bombshell, becoming the first country to ban social media for kids under 16.

The law, passed in a whirlwind parliamentary sprint, mandates that platforms like TikTok, Instagram, and Snapchat take “reasonable steps” to block underage users—or face fines of up to $32 million.

PM Anthony Albanese hailed the move as a victory for parents, claiming it will protect kids from bullies, predators, and scammers. Critics, however, are less enthusiastic.

Greens Senator Sarah Hanson-Young called it a “race to the bottom,” warning it isolates young people while letting Big Tech off the hook. Tech giants like Meta and TikTok slammed the law as “rushed,” and some experts question its practicality, such as the ability for minors to be able to use VPN services to hide the fact they are logging in from Australia.

Bitcoin price hits $100,000 for the first time

Bitcoin has shattered the $100,000 mark, fueled by a post-election surge following Donald Trump's win.

The rally gained extra steam after Trump announced plans to nominate Paul Atkins, a known advocate for lighter market regulation, as the next SEC chair. Atkins’ appointment signals a sharp pivot from the aggressive oversight under Gary Gensler, who confirmed he’ll step down when Trump takes office in January, even though he’s still got 18 months left on his term.

Since Election Day, Bitcoin has skyrocketed from $69,374 to an all-time high of $101,512, a stunning turnaround from its 2022 lows of under $17,000 after the FTX crash.

If only we’d all listened to this guy.

Elon Musk’s $56 billion pay package rejected

Elon Musk’s $56 billion “king’s ransom” Tesla pay deal has officially been sent to the junkyard after a Delaware judge ruled it null and void.

Despite shareholders greenlighting the package back in 2018, Judge Kathaleen McCormick decided the board was too cozy with Mr Musk to provide an objective oversight of the pay proposal.

The world’s somehow most chronically online billionaire fired back on X, saying, “Shareholders should control company votes, not judges.” Tesla vowed to appeal, claiming the decision sets a damaging precedent for the justice system muscling in on investors and their rights.

For now, Musk will have to somehow get by on the nearly $70 billion he’s made since Trump’s re-election, with most of that coming from the hike in Tesla’s stock prices since November 5th.

Recently nationalised British rail lines will not lead to a reduction in fare prices

Labour is bringing three rail operators—South Western Railway, C2C, and Greater Anglia—back under public control starting in 2025.

Despite promises of improved reliability and £150m in savings, ticket prices won’t drop, with fares set to rise 4.6% next March. Transport Secretary Heidi Alexander says people will pay more for better service, but critics argue renationalisation alone won’t fix the fragmented rail system.

Labour’s new law, the Passenger Railway Services Act 2024, enables this move, with plans for Great British Railways to oversee future operations. There has been talk of a total renationalisation of all lines, but nothing concrete has been proposed as of yet.

While public control has improved some routes like LNER, sceptics say real change needs fresh investment, not just a ping-ponging in and out of public ownership.

French government collapses as Prime Minister Michel Barnier loses no-confidence vote

French Prime Minister Michel Barnier, who you may recognise as the bloke the EU sent to deal with Brexit negotiations, has been ousted from power just 90 days into the job.

Barnier, who came into office promising fiscal discipline, is now storming right back out, taking his proposed €60 billion deficit-slashing budget with him.

The National Assembly united in rare moment of harmony, with Marine Le Pen’s far-right and Jean-Luc Mélenchon’s left-wing New Popular Front (NFP) joining forces to send Barnier packing. Le Pen called the budget “toxic for the French,” whilst Barnier maintains that his tough measures were necessary to balance the books and restabilise the French economy.

President Emmanuel Macron, untouched constitutionally but politically bruised, now faces the unenviable task of appointing a new PM who won’t immediately get sent to the guillotine.

On the bright side for Barnier, he did last longer than Liz Truss (49 days).

🍻Half Pints

Quick-fire news you might have missed:

• A Chinese man spent his life savings to be called "bro" by his favourite streamer.

• Japanese bank employee fired after trying to burn clients house down.

• Trump jokes that he might mess around and annex Canada, prompting an official response from Trudeau’s office.

• Belgium grants sex workers maternity leave and a host of other rights.

• A Vietnamese fraudster needs to cough up $9 billion or face execution.

• The worlds oldest wild bird has laid eggs at the age of 74.

• A British runner has beaten the Australian coast-to-coast record.

Meme of the Day

That’s all for today.

We’ll be back, bigger and better, next week.

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