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A lot has happened this week, as usual, so we were on hand to sacrifice our eyes, phones and what’s left of our sanity to condense it all into memes.

So sit back, relax and get stuck into the news you need to know, delivered to you via carefully crafted and curated memes.

⏰ Today's reading time is 5 minutes.

Quote of the Week

Spotify closed 2024 on a high note, reporting its first annual net profit since launching in 2006.

Investors rejoice!

The company posted a €1.138 billion profit (versus a €505 million loss in 2023) on €15.7 billion in revenue, up 18.3% year-over-year.

What’s behind the numbers:
📈 675M monthly active users (+35M in Q4), 263M paid subscribers (+11M).
💰 Cost-cutting, including a 20.4% workforce reduction, pushed operating income to a record €477M in Q4.
🎶 CEO Daniel Ek says Spotify will "double down on music" in 2025.
🎙️ The platform now hosts 6.5M podcasts, with 330K in video format.
💵 Spotify paid $10B to the music industry in 2024, bringing total payouts to $60B since inception.

Looking ahead, Spotify expects slower Q1 2025 user growth but projects €4.2B in revenue and €548M in operating income as it aims to further expand margins.

It faces stiff competition on both the music and podcast fronts from fellow well resourced tech giants like Youtube (owned by Google) and Apple.

The Bank of England cuts interest rates to 4.5% amid low growth and rising inflation

The Bank of England has trimmed interest rates to 4.5%, but behind closed doors, a more aggressive half-point cut was on the table.

The UK economy has been stuck in neutral, narrowly dodging a recession but still looking bleak. Meanwhile, inflation is creeping back up towards 4% thanks to rising gas prices post-winter.

The UK is now flirting with stagflation—zero growth + rising prices = an economic ball ache.

Worse still, this week’s gloomy forecast doesn’t even account for any issues Trump’s trade policies might unleash, although he has spoken more favourably of a UK trade deal than he has of an EU one.

Growth is now pegged at a measly 0.75% this year (half what was predicted in November), and unemployment is expected to climb to just under 5% in two years.

Business investment is also in the deep freeze, with companies blaming tax uncertainty from the October Budget.

Brexit, the pandemic, and long-term health issues continue to drag down productivity, and the path out of an economic slump for Britain continues to be a hard one.

Nissan and Honda super-merger called off

Nissan is reportedly walking away from merger talks with Honda, ditching a deal that would have created the world’s third-largest automaker.

The split seems to come down to control—Honda, with a market value five times that of Nissan, wasn’t keen on an equal partnership and instead floated making Nissan a subsidiary. That didn’t sit well with Nissan.

Investors took sides quickly. Nissan shares tumbled over 4%, prompting a temporary trading halt, while Honda’s stock surged 8%, suggesting relief.

The failed tie-up leaves Nissan—already struggling with an ongoing turnaround plan and thousands of job cuts—facing growing pressure from China’s EV giants and looming US tariffs.

Renault, Nissan’s long-time ally, had been open to the deal, but now the road ahead for Nissan looks increasingly uncertain.

Chinese auto manufacturers will be licking their lips…

Trump plans to turn war-torn Gaza into the “Riviera of the Middle East”

President Donald Trump has unveiled a bold plan to transform the Gaza Strip into the MAGA Strip, a so called “Riviera of the Middle East.”

The initiative involves the U.S. taking control of Gaza, temporarily (wink wink) relocating its over two million Palestinian residents to neighboring countries like Egypt and Jordan, and redeveloping the land into a prosperous resort destination.

Because if history has taught us anything, it’s that Americans are experts at displacing native populations and then offering them jobs in casinos.

The proposal has sparked a global outcry. Arab nations, including Egypt, Jordan, and Saudi Arabia have condemned the plan as a blatant violation of international law, while European allies like the UK, Germany, and France have strongly opposed it.

Even in the U.S., reactions are mixed—some Republicans are intrigued but waiting for details (a round or two of golf anyone?), while Democrats have outright labeled it ethnic cleansing.

Oh, and let’s not forget Jared “Slumlord” Kushner, who has reportedly been eyeing real estate opportunities in the region. 

While pitched as a visionary solution, the plan has been widely panned and will likely need to go through several revisions if it is to be made a reality.

OpenAI in talks to raise funding that would value AI startup at up to $340 billion

OpenAI is reportedly in talks to raise a whopping $40 billion, potentially valuing the company at an eye-watering $340 billion.

Leading the charge is SoftBank, which is looking to throw in up to $25 billion—enough to dethrone Microsoft as OpenAI’s top backer.

A big chunk of this cash is earmarked for Stargate, a $500 billion AI data center megaproject championed by Donald Trump.

The initiative, backed by OpenAI, SoftBank, Oracle, and MGX, aims to cement U.S. dominance in AI, with tech-bro paradise Texas as the launchpad.

But just as OpenAI flexes its financial muscles, China’s DeepSeek is proving that size doesn’t always matter. DeepSeek-R1, the Chinese AI lab’s latest open-source model, delivers performance on par with OpenAI’s top-tier offerings—but at a fraction of the cost.

Cue U.S. tech stocks taking a nosedive as investors start questioning just how inflated these AI valuations really are.

The solution? Throw more money at the problem!

🍻Half Pints

Quick-fire news you might have missed

Memes of the Week

Transformation of the Week

Let’s not forget the interim “Zelensky cosplay” phase

That’s all for today.

We’ll be back, bigger and better, next week.

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Thanks to Oliver and Laurence