Hello there. Let’s get stuck into the news you need to know from this week, delivered to you via carefully crafted and curated memes.

⏰ Today's reading time is 3 minutes.

Quote of the day

In a twist no one saw coming, The Onion outbid an Alex Jones backed consortium for his now bankrupt Infowars empire, backed by Sandy Hook families owed over $1 billion in defamation judgments. These are the defamation claims from a successful suit filed against Jones, who had claimed that their brutally murdered children were paid actors.

The satirical site plans to relaunch Infowars as a parody hub, skewering conspiracy theorists while educating on gun violence. A judge, raising an eyebrow at the auction's somewhat sketchy process, has called for a hearing.

Meanwhile, Jones has called the auction “rigged” and an "attack on free speech." The Onion calls their takeover a “very funny joke,” proving satire might just be the most poetic justice of all.

Robert F. Kennedy Jr., famed vaccine skeptic, environmental crusader and lover of nature related pranks, has been tapped as President-elect Trump’s pick for health secretary, setting the stage for a showdown with good ol’Big Pharma.

Kennedy’s rhetoric promises a Food & Drug Administration (FDA) purge, telling staff to “pack their bags” if they’re cozy with industry giants. The FDA, which oversees $3 trillion in pharmaceutical goods, hasn’t commented yet, but Wall Street sure has and vaccine stocks like Pfizer and Moderna dipped significantly after the news broke.

Meanwhile, pharma lobbyists are cautiously extending olive branches. With 140 million Americans’ health coverage and public health at stake, the nomination could be the ultimate prescription for chaos.

Move over Saudi Arabia

After cracking $91,000 this week, Bitcoin overtook Saudi Arabian state owned oil and gas company Aramco in market capitalisation, in yet another reminder of just how stupid you were in not buying a couple of Bitcoin on a whim back in 2014.

Bitcoin, whose price was at around $40,000 back in January, is having a major bull run at the moment, with sights being set by a lot of degenerates living in their parents basement crypto analysts predicting it’ll smash the $100k ceiling by the end of the year.

Great Expectations (not met)

The UK economy hit the brakes in September, shrinking 0.1% after a lackluster 0.2% growth the month before, failing to hit economists' rosier forecasts.

For Q3, GDP crawled up by just 0.1%, well below earlier expectations. While inflation dipped below 2% for the first time since 2021, paving the way for a rate cut, analysts aren’t cheering yet.

Business confidence is shaky, geopolitical tensions loom, and growth is still inconsistent at best. Households and businesses withholding major spend until the October 30th budget may have a factor behind the weaker numbers, but the numbers have still fallen short of expectations.

Labour have been aggressive in passing bills and signalling their intent in rebuilding the UK economy, but their work (so far) has underwhelmed both economists and the markets.

Bye Felicia

The Guardian has officially left Elon Musk's social media platform, X, calling it a “toxic media platform rife with hate speech and far-right conspiracy theories”.

With 27 million followers across 80 accounts, the move comes after Musk’s free-speech absolutism led to reinstating banned figures like Alex Jones and Andrew Tate, with a rise in the amount of disinformation being spread on the site raising concerns.

Musk (predictably) fired back, labeling the paper “irrelevant.”

“You’re not going to believe this…”

North Korean troops deployed to Ukraine to support Russia have found an unexpected use for their newfound internet access—bingeing on pornography, according to an unverified report involving a Pentagon official.

The soldiers, representing the hermit kingdom led by Dennis Rodman fanboy Kim Jong Un, reportedly stepped onto Ukrainian soil for combat last Monday. However, it seems their first battle wasn't against opposing forces but rather against the bulge in their trousers.

That’s all for today.

We’ll be back, bigger and better, next week.

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